Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
