So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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