I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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