He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize