I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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