got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
