It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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