batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
