I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
