Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
