Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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