Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
