am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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