So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
