hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We don't watch enough power rangers
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
