Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
