bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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