Say something about gay babies.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
