why didn't you poke me back
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
