My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
