When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
