they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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