im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
