ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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