i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
