My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
