So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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