are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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