I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
