Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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