I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
