You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
