i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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