I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
