There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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