he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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