Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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