$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
