Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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