You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
