yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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