Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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