Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
