So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize