Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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