Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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