I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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