I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
