its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
