Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
