There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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