mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
