i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
