This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
