we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
