I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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