Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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