I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
