so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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