Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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