I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
