i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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