This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
