had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
