Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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