Having a random hookup so left but love u
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
