Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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