I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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