We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
