Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
