I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
