Your mouth is God's brothel.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
