I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
