i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
