i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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