Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize