I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
