dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
