we have officially lost it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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