dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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