i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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