Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize