But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
