Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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