so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
