my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You made out with two different species that night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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