Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
