Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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