It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
