Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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