I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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