If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
