Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
