Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
