I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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