if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hippo gnu deer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
