I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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