It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
