Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
