i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
