She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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