he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
