you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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