I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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