I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize